祝大家平安

愛永不止息

親愛的朋友:

好多謝大家前來展覽會, 指教我的那一張小小 ”愛永不止息” 書法, 你們對我的支持和愛, 我是深深感受到的! 未能到來的朋友, 我也知道你們在心底裡也替我高興 :>。

在此也借機會分享我為什麽千選萬選寫這字句。

從知道有展覽要預備交作品的數個月前, 我便不停在想, 究竟寫什麼好呢? 我要寫的字句是自己有共鳴, 有感情的, 好讓別人都感受到我想表達的…… 現今世界每天都好像發生很多負面的事情, 各人有各人的煩惱, 家家有本難唸的經, 像巴士阿叔說:”你有壓力, 我有壓力”, 天災和人為的金融海潚令大家喘不過氣來。 同時, 又發覺社會道德敗壞, 從前所持守的忠孝禮義, 真善美, 都似不再存在, 我被別人說成是落伍老土文物…… 究竟京奧閉幕的大同世界是否空談, 和諧共融是否可行?

我相信答案是 ”是”。 因為人間有愛。

愛, 這一個字是”受 心”, 即是用心去不斷學習領受的生命功課。 它既是名詞, 又是動詞。 愛, 不只是紙上談兵, 是發自良善無私虛己的行動。 用愛去待人的首要, 當然要先去認識你所愛的, 才懂怎樣去討他/她的喜悅。 愛是不保留, 是無條件, 是犧牲偉大的, 是極端的, 是永遠的。 曾經有一心理學家Robert Sternberg把愛比喻一個三角形, 三隻角分別是intimacy親密, passion 激情, 和commitment 承諾。 三方面缺一不可, 且要平衡, 太多激情太少承諾也不健康的呀。

說到這裡, 不得不提 ”愛永不止息” 的出處 :>
這五粒字是聖經新約哥林多前書十三章, 使徒保羅談論何謂 “愛” 。

<< 愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈；愛是不嫉妒；愛是不自誇，不張狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不計算人的惡，不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。 愛是永不止息…… >> 林前十三4-8

保羅確實把 ”愛” 說得透切。 聖經中又有說, 叫我們愛神愛人。

你們可能會說, 這是天方夜譚, 無可能做得到。 我想答案是 “是與不是”。 “是”, 是因為人確有私心, 一些根本不可愛的人, 你又怎去愛; “不是”, 是因為我們有耶穌作榜樣, 讓我們可以學習去愛, 只要我們去求, 聖靈也會幫助我們去愛身邊所有的人。

<< 我們愛, 因為神先愛我們 。>> 約翰一書四章19

願你們也找到愛, 並活在愛裡。

滿有神的愛並正在學習愛的Betty 於零八年十一月留字

禾場拾穗

三年但以理課程快將畢業的我， 在這裡多謝大家給我機會分享當中神與我同在的點滴。 我在醫院裡工作， 每天也接觸很多不同的病人： 他們有康復的回家； 有帶着傷殘的身體， 自己不能再照顧日常生活， 所以要入住護養院； 也有不幸的離世。 從前的我只懂做好本份， 用我的專業醫治病人身體的傷痛， 並沒有太大感動去傳福音拯救失喪的靈魂。 但感謝主一路的帶領， 衪的心思高過我所想所求。

聖靈感動下報讀了但以理， 我在學院裡學到什麼是雙職傳道。 每日返工不單是賺到地上的金錢， 我還可以透過與病人分享神在我生命的見證、 講解三分鐘「四步」（註一）和向每位出院的病人送上特製的「知心咭」（註二）， 讓不少病人願意接受耶穌作他們的救主， 使我賺到天上的賞賜。 感謝主讓我多次嘗到職場即禾場收割的喜悅。 我深深體會到未信主的人心靈上的缺乏， 尤其是在病痛苦難中， 只在神是他們的安慰， 哀慟人的避難所。

我記得在這三年裡， 在好幾位病人被診斷為末期癌症或已經病入膏肓， 聖靈在我心裡提醒， 叫我學習耶穌基督作僕人的心腸， 用愛和同理心去關顧他們， 把神的福音告訴他們。 我只管放膽去講， 聖靈會在他們心裡作工。 謝謝天父永生的應許， 他們靠着神加給的力量， 能夠勇敢平安地面對死蔭的幽谷。 雖然我也捨不得他們在世上短暫的離開， 但我可以肯定的對死者的家人說， 將來我們必定在天堂重聚！

我現在很清楚神的呼召是叫我把衪的福音傳遍職場， 我也知道我要學習的還有很多， 感謝又真又活的主與我同行， 願榮耀頌讚全歸天上的阿爸父， 哈利路亞。

註
一： 「四步」是一本由但以理學院和台灣中華基督教福音協進會印製， 以「耶穌愛你」為題， 有四個步驟引導人歸主的怖道小冊子。
二： 「知心咭」是但以理學院印製， 用作祝福人。 我利用它空白的地方寫上病人的名字， 祝願他們身心靈健康， 耶穌愛你的字句， 加上十字架貼紙和喜樂鼠插圖， 它便是一張很有功效的怖道咭了。

想認識更多但以理學院的朋友可到www.mpoffice.org.hk看看

求主憐憫512四川大地震的災民

已經過了三天，我的心依然沈重忍忍作痛，中國同胞受苦我不其然身同感受, 上一次有這般強烈感覺的時候, 是八九民運。 我相信連曰有留意電視報紙各媒体報導一幕幕四川災情消息的朋友，心情也如斯般，切身感到無奈、無助、傷痛……

痛 ---
是看到成千上萬的小學生中學生在努力求學的時候，突如其來的7.8級地震，震碎他們正在上堂的課室，震碎他們的身體，震碎他們的夢，震碎父母對他們家唯一孩子的寄望…… 有一些學生在全無預兆下，根本都未弄清楚是什麼一回事, 一眨眼便死去了； 另外一些同學被瓦礫蓋着身體動彈不得，分分秒秒與死神對歭, 等待可能來不及的救援； 少部分幸運一點的孩子，頭破血流的能成功逃出災場，但卻驚覺剛才一起說笑的同學仔已經不在身邊了…… 這些深深的身心傷痕，誰來撫平安慰?

痛 ---
是看到生還者四出尋找自己親友的情境，聽到他們絕望的呼叫、有声無声的哭泣…… 一個不怕餘震不怕沒路走的外省工人，由成都走回鄉找父母, 幾日幾夜沒東西吃走上過百里路，終於看到的是沒了的祖屋，找到的是冰冷親人的屍体。 但他卻不願放下已經發臭的身體，因為他知道這是他唯一可以做的，給死者最後一個擁抱。 又有一些同胞至今也聯絡不到家人，心中立志要找到才罷休，一日未有找到屍體，一日也不能接受親人離世的消息。 這些無助絕望的心，又有誰來給予一絲光芒？

痛 ---
實在很痛……

為什麼神容讓這樣的災難發生? 主呀，祢是掌管天地萬物那一位，宇宙是祢創造的，我們人類是屬於神祢照着自己的形像和樣式造出來的，祢不是愛我們的嗎？ 袮會負責任的，請不要掩面不看正在水深火心的災民，請憐憫他們，請伸出袮的膀臂拯救他們，開祢的耳朵聽我們的禱告。 讓祢永不止息的愛臨到他們那裡。

主呀，我看見人間有情, 冰冷黑暗中有光有暖。

暖 ---
是災民的守望相助，彼此關愛: 抱着一顆愛心，千里沼沼的背着受傷的朋友離開只是一堆亂石的鄉縣到城市救援的同胞； 自己受了傷但還有氣力，咬着牙根自組拯救隊幫手的人民；伯伯不願獨自離開被瓦礫蓋着逃不出來的妻子，要等到拯救人員能夠順利把妻子救出來才罷休; 老師用雙臂身體保護兩名學生，但卻犧牲自己生命的捨己； 全球一呼百應的捐錢義工幫助; 居民自動照顧沒了父母的孤兒； 過百人等候在紅十字会捐血……

暖 ---
是超過十三萬軍人和醫療人員的無私: 還未知自己家人生死但依然緊守岡位，用盡海陸空的方法到達震災汶州作救援工作，廿四小時不眠不休，沒有絲毫怨聲的默默救援； 各人用了超過50多個小時，救出來只有輕傷的剛過了生日的小妹妹、還為她唱生日歌； 用智慧耐力，失敗再試的精神，成功救出婦人、懷孕待產的媽媽、婆婆； 温總理及其他領導連日親身安憮災民的承諾和工作安排……

這次突如其來的災難，又一次告訴我生命無常，人的渺少。 虛空的虛空，凡事都是虛空。 人一切的勞碌，就是他在日光之下的勞碌，有什麼益處呢? 已有的事，後必再有; 已行的事, 後必再行。 日光之下，並無新事。 凡事都有定期，天下萬務都有定時。 生有時, 死有時; 栽種有時，拔出所栽種的也有時…… 我見神叫世人勞苦, 使他們在其中受經練。 神造萬物, 各按其時成為美好, 又將永生安置在世人心裡。 若無，則神從始至終的作為，人不能参透。…… 神這樣行，是要人在他面前存敬畏的心。

我已經找緊生命的真諦，我知道我要常存敬畏神的心，神必眷顧保守。 求主賜福我國人民, 求天父聽我的祈禱，願平安陪着災民過渡困難，福音早日傳遍大陸。

祝大家鼠年喜樂滿滿

親愛的朋友：

祝大家鼠年喜樂滿滿！

不過，大家又知不知怎樣叫喜樂呢？

喜樂 不等於 快樂

喜樂是由心內發出外面的笑容，是"說"不出來； 快樂是從外面環境影響而加進去的

喜樂不是抽象的，不是遙不可及的，它是可以表現出來

喜樂不受環境支配，所以儘管有時在患難痛苦中，都存喜樂之心

沒有任何人有能力奪去你擁有的喜樂

喜樂帶有能力，是良藥，能夠醫治身心靈

喜樂會傳染人，你時常喜樂，你身邊的人也受你感染，與喜樂的人同樂

但

喜樂從那裡來？

喜樂從神的恩典來，我靠主常常喜樂。

我清楚耶穌基督的愛，祂為我的罪被十字架釘死，拯救我。 耶穌基督修補了我與上帝的橋樑，值著祂，我知道祂給我永恆生命的應許，令我確信這個將來的榮耀盼望，即主將會回來接我。 所以，當我遇到困難苦惱、百般試煉、令我失意的時候，我明白今生我只是旅客，我是神的管家，我只管按神的旨意去做 to serve and to keep，結果如何我實在控制不了，我是一無掛慮，全部交托給主好了。 祂創造我，我是祂獨特的女兒，祂會負責任保護我 ：＞

但, 有無秘訣可以"時常"得到喜樂呢？

當然有啦！ 我們只要不住禱告、祈求、和感謝神。 神是聽禱告的，祂是知道明白我們的。 只管把自己心裡的憂愁向天上的阿爸父傾訴，向祂撒驕懇求，存謙和的心凡事謝恩，祂必賜喜樂常存我們的心內。

“到那日，你們什麼也就不問我了。我實實在在地告訴你們，你們若向父求麼，他必因我的名賜給你們。向來你們沒有奉我的名求什麼，如今你們求，就必得著，叫你們的喜樂可以滿足。”

約16：23 - 24

讓我們大家在鼠年裡多多學習時常喜樂

祝福你的Betty上

備： 喜樂是屬靈的果子 (加拉太書5:22-23)； 喜樂的表表姐是保羅 (腓立彼書4:4)

給朋友們的一件聖誕禮物

親愛的朋友:

普天同慶的聖誕節又到了， 祝大家聖誕快樂，心裡平安喜樂。

在此我又心動動想同大家分享小小点滴。

考吓你們聖誕節是什麼節日？ 應該連小孩子都識答: 耶穌出生囉！ 對，100分。 但我有一個長版的答案。 聖誕節是記念二千多年前，上帝的獨生子---耶穌基督降生於無枕無床的馬槽裡的日子。 試問誰會選擇在如斯的環境下出生？ 衪是萬王之王，應該起碼是在皇宮金殿出世吧。 祂用這卑微的身份，一生取奴僕樣式，目的是讓我們容易親近祂，認識祂，明白祂對我們的愛。

主耶穌在地上三十三年，行神跡奇事，趕鬼，教導真理，幫助人，醫治人的身心靈，賜福予人。 祂最後甘願把自己獻上，代替我們世人的罪，去承擔一切，被害被釘在十字架上，這種最殘忍的刑罰。 祂死後被埋葬，三天後復活，顯現在人前，升天回天父那裡去，完成了整個救贖人的計劃。

我相信主，確知衪是又真又活，祂每日與我同行，從來都不会撇下我不理，儘管我是滿有罪的。 祂賜我心內平安喜樂，有盼望，有愛去生活，無論是開心的、傷感的、委屈的、困難的、祂也必保守看顧我。 我親愛的朋友，願你在今個聖誕裡，感受到神是多麼的愛你，祂犧牲、永不止息的愛，祂愛我們到底。 願你打開自己的心門，讓耶穌進入你心深處，你的一呼一吸神都保護。 願你放膽去接受耶穌基督作你的救主，接受這份滿有恩典的聖誕禮物。 耶穌愛你，耶穌賜福你。

心內滿滿感恩的Betty上

Some thoughts on "Evan Almighty" 「嚟多件衰鬼上帝」隨想

看完"Evan Almighty", 很有感動與大家分享点滴。 無論是基督徒或是無宗教背景的朋友都值得一看, 我自己就得著很多很多。

相信大家對挪亞方舟這個故事都不会太陌生。 跟據聖經創世記六章記載, 挪亞是一個義人，他的一切心思意念都付合神的心意, 他是與神同行的。 挪亞那時代的世界是十分敗壞的, 神要使洪水泛濫在地上, 毀滅地上衪自己所創造的一切有血肉的。 但神在公義審判的同時也顯出慈愛, 祂吩咐挪亞造一隻方舟, 與挪亞立約, 讓他一家八口 (挪亞及其妻、挪亞的三個兒子和媳婦)、各飛鳥牲畜昆蟲一公一母, 双双對對的送進入方舟, 好保全生命。 挪亞就照神的吩咐照樣行了, 結果洪水泛濫在地上四十天, 地上有氣息的都死了, 只有挪亞和那些與他同在方舟裡的命是活着的。


"Evan Almighty" 的劇情就是現代版的Evan方舟。 Evan 在他事業初露光芒的時候, 接到以"擬人法"化身的黑人上帝order去建方舟, 建一隻在挪亞時代一模一樣的方舟。 神叫Evan 只管放膽去造方舟, 神会為他預備其他的, 並一切所需的, 當然包括"乘客"。 這是一個不可思議的命令, 相信任何一個正常人都会拒絕。 對於正生活得安安穩穩, 前途無可限量的Evan 來說, 按他自己訂下的計劃多的是, 現在正忙得半死, 那有空去建方舟! Evan 用盡一切方法逃避神的呼召, 神卻用耐心慈愛, 不同的印證(一對對雌雄的動物 --- Evan 方舟的乘客, 先後出現並緊隨Evan) 去叫Evan 學習順服。 是的, 順服是要學習的, 是要存心的, 即是要付上代價, 要犧牲自我, 1st priority 乃是神, 不是自己的想法好處...... 神應許我們祂為我們成就一切, 遠超過你我所求所想, 祂是供應者, 祂必供應我們需要的一切。



Evan 在信心路上雖然有起有跌, 除了首要過自己"理性"一関外, 跟着得面對周圍譏笑他建方舟荒誕行為的陌生人、朋友同事、什至至愛親人也無法諒解他...... 到最後他甘心樂意, 從零到一手一脚的, 堅守所承認的指望, 不至搖動, 仰望耶和華, 帶着壯膽堅固的心把方舟建成，並在洪水來的時候, 拯救了很多從前說三道四的陌路人和朋友。 更在建舟的過程中, Evan得以修補與家人的関係, 大家因着愛, 同負一個信念, 彼此更接近更和諧。



在電影裡, 有一句對白深深打入我心。 有一記者用挑戰的態度問Evan為何覺得自己会被神揀中, 把這麼重要的建舟拯救工作給他做時, Evan的回答是:"神不是只揀選我, 其實神是揀選了我們每一個人!" 對呀, 其實神在我們尚未成形以先, 已曉得我們, 人或許不認識主, 但主在創立世界之前, 已揀選了你。 問題是我們是否願意成為祂的孩子, 存心謙卑, 放下自己, 尋找衪的必尋見！ 願主賜福你們。

My testimony

Dear my friends,

Please accept my apology of not updating my blog for quite some time. Have to admit that i am a bit busy these days... Now, let me share with you all my testimony which was given last last Friday during a gathering organized by my hospital's Christian Fellowship. Praise to our Lord that we had over 60 staff participated :>

Share with you --- 我的見證

各位同事, 好高興今日同大家分享我一Ｄ經歷。 認識我的朋友, 知道我叫Betty; 不認識我的, 我自我介紹我叫楊医生, 但係我都係仲意大家叫我Betty, 後生又親切Ｄ。我來了東華東医院差不多兩年了, 當中有半年在東區醫院, 現在在B/C1胸肺病房工作。

其實今日大家被同事熱切邀請來到這个名為”活出生命的樂章”聚会, 已经有心理準備要聽耶穌, 我唔講大話, 大家亦估得很對, 我確實会同大家分享我認識咗我生命中最重要是真是活的掌權者 --- 主耶穌基督的經歷。

我自小就在基督教學校讀書, 要上聖經堂背主禱文造金句咭, 聽咗好多耶穌基督傳道的故仔, 係, 當時真係當故仔那樣聽, 故仔好精彩, 有趕鬼醫治行神跡。 耶穌用小孩給衪的五餅二魚竟然胃飽在聽耶穌講道的五千人, 還有餘下的餅和魚; 耶穌在參加迦南婚宴裡, 因為客人太多, 沒有酒了, 衪又能把水变為酒; 耶穌更加對撒但魔鬼的引誘無動於衷, 把魔鬼連連擊退……, 但這一切一切, 在當時的我完全体会唔到, 都唔知耶穌同我有什麼關係, 唔会去想什麼是愛, 我為何而活, 我從何而來, 只是抱著交功課的態度。

直至中六後到加拿大繼續升学, 努力讀書的同時, 開始留意身邊井井有條的大自然, 路邊野花沒人栽種卻也如斯美豔, 究竟是誰創造的呢？ 與此同時, 有基督徒帶我返教会, 聽牧師講解神的話, 知道”上帝”便是我尋尋覓覓的答案, 在小學中學上聖經堂學到的, 一同擁現, 我深深明白我已經找到。如果沒有神, 一切都是虛空, 我努力讀書拿學位找份穩定工有好收入做好人, 甚至結婚嫁個好老公生兒育女, 做人生必經做的, 但最終老病死是人不能用聰明智慧金錢權力去改變的, 只有相信了天上的阿爸父, 創造這個宇宙萬物、我們人類的上帝, 祂很愛我, 因為我是衪寶貴的女兒, 衪要我的生命活得豐盛有意義, 祂告訴我生命在這世上其實是寄居的, 我在這世上死去後, 回到天堂, 衪為我預備的, 才是永恆的生命。

你們或者会話, 好玄呀, 我講到好遠甚至好深奥, 但其實好簡單好容易体会, 因為你只管放胆去信靠主, 自己去經歷一吓就会發覺祂是又活又真的。 我決定相信主耶穌基督後, 心裡快慰, 那份喜悅是沒有什麽可以比美, 因為我已經找到一生的依靠。

然而, 我這段”蜜月期” 只有一天之久, 因為當時與我同在加拿大的姊姊擔心我信主後太興奮, 做了”二五女” 打長途电話給在香港的媽媽, 我所愛的媽媽是反對我信主的, 第二天下課回家, 便見到媽媽從香港飛來加拿大了！ 晴天霹靂, 我當時的心態就像被神高高抱起, 正在享受與衪重聚的時刻, 突然, 重重的跌入谷底, 好黑看不見出路…… 我一向是乖乖女一名, 從來未有大聲頂装父母, 我的媽媽斷定我今次是不聽話不孝順, 明知她不喜歡基督教都要去信, 是與她作對。 而她一向是家中話事的, 她絕不容許我不聽她的說話…… 故事的發展, 相信大家用Ｄ想像力都可以估到, 像做戲一樣。 大吵後, 我好鍚的媽媽只叫我回答她一條問題, 要繼續認她作媽媽, 做她聽話的女兒, 還是我堅持信我的主, 媽媽她不要我這個女兒了……

當時我這個初信主的人確實有惱怒主, 為何要這般試我, 祢不是話愛我鍚我的嗎？ 但感謝主的帶領, 看完聖经禱告後, 很快的, 我對主的信心回來了, 我知道祂是與我一起作戰, 我並不孤獨, 衪要我在困苦, 正常人不能理解處理的事上, 學習依靠衪, 祂必幫助我。 雖然到此時此刻, 我的媽媽失驚無神都会借Ｄ耳來說基督教基督徒的是是非非, 在吵架時嚇我要拋悼我所有的聖經靈修書, 但比起十多年前她反對我信主的激動情度, 現在真的好多了, 起碼我可以正常返教会, 聖經放在書架上也沒有被拋進垃圾筒。 朋友們, 你們或会覺得我好傻, 我為何有這麼大的信心, 不如放棄吧, 值得嗎？ 朋友呀, 是值得的, 因為在每一次患難中, 我都感受到主耶穌與我同在, 衪是又真又活的, 雖然肉眼看不見, 但衪卻是唯一的, 從前現在將來的主。 想同你們分享的實在太多, 時間不夠, 讓我用現時在東東工作的前因後果結尾。

兩年前, 我剛剛考完胸肺科專科試, 很開心, 因為之前好努力去温習, 整個個程雖然辛苦但主愛我看顧我, 成功pass 了，一心一意打算繼續在伊利沙伯醫院, 這個我在實習醫生的時候已经結下不解之緣的”家”, 工作, 那裡有我喜歡的同事病人環境, 雖然忙但開心。 誰知在考完試後的第二天, 接到東華東內科負責人的電話, 詢問我有興趣否轉到東東工作, 他們需要一個胸肺科医生。 我的第一個反應當然有Ｄ開心, 有人睇得起, 但隨後的是一句多謝, 我愛QE, 傻啦, 我不会走的。 但神給我的路是我不能猜到的, 衪為我預備的是多於我所想我所求的, 我是一個不喜歡轉換環境的人, 我來到東東返工是帶着恐懼的, 要面對新老板上司同事, 最初甚至東東在那裡也不知道, 與此同時, 我將会是東東唯一的胸肺科医生, 我只是一個剛考到專業試的初哥, 從前在QE, 九龍医院有好多经驗老到的上司可以有事問他們, 完全在深切保護低下, 現在呢, 只是我一個呀! 但是再一次感謝主, 祂讓我更明白祂的心意, 衪要我在東東裡做好職份, 我可以有較多的時間去関心我的病人, 不是作一個只医身体有病的病人的醫生, 乃是一個靠着神給我力量, 用愛去医治病人身心靈的医生; 也不是一個點頭打招呼的同事, 乃是一個要活出主愛人樣式的, 傳揚天国福音的門徒。 這一切,我依然在學習當中, 我也偶会發脾氣做了壞的見證犯了罪, 請大家包容, 提醒我, 我会靠着主繼續努力。

但各位朋友同事呀, 在這裡, 我確實関心你們, 為你們的靈魂著急, 我已經得着認識主耶穌這份礼物, 我不斷經歷神是真的活的, 不是與你無関的, 請把握今日這個机会, 打開自己的心, 問吓每日忙忙忙, 究竟為了什麼, 擔子是否很重, 是否有很多不公平不合理的事情, 在工作上不免見到好多人病死的時候, 知道人是不能避免的。 請把這一切交回給愛你們, 創造你們的主, 承認我們人是有罪的, 明白上帝的兒子耶穌已經擔當你的罪被釘死在十字架上, 你們只要接受耶穌作你的救主, 你作衪的兒女, 就是這樣單純的信, 你們必得着從神以來的喜樂平安盼望。 願主祝福你們, 耶穌愛你們。

Dear my friends,

Please have a look at this video of a 4-finger pianist. She is really beautiful.
http://dopejam.multiply.com/video/item/6

We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in th ebody or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 2 Corinthians 5:7-10

Tomato

TO all mothers - an article written by my sister

Here Today; Gone Tomorrow
Why Motherhood Cannot Wait

By Eunice Young


I never liked kids before I was pregnant. I used to find them annoying. However, I felt I ought to give birth because I believed it was a wife’s duty to give her husband a complete family; it was a daughter’s duty to continue the family tree; and it was a woman’s sacred duty to give birth. However, I never thought of the duties that came with being a mum. Once I decided to get pregnant, instead of being only a wife, a daughter, and a woman, I became a mum.

Since I had always been living a life without babies and kids before I was pregnant, and I was never really interested in being around children, taking care of them was an absolute challenge to me. Therefore, as a mum-to-be, I thought the best way to learn about how to be a mum was from parenting books. I read a lot of those “bibles”, and I tried to understand, and listen to expert advice. 99% of the experts suggested we should not let our babies control our life. On the contrary, we had to “train” our little ones to accommodate our daily routine, then our life would not be manipulated by them. Following the experts’ instructions, I put Trystin in his crib in his own room right after we came back from the hospital. He started to cry once I put him down, but I tried not to answer it. I let him wail until he was so exhausted he fell asleep by himself. I also let my maid look after him and put him to bed. I continued to force myself to follow the “parenting bible” to treat my son like a stranger or even an enemy for the first few days. I followed this regime blindly until the middle of one night, my maid brought Trystin to my room. He was crying and needed to be fed. I breastfed him as usual, and I tried to pass him back to my maid once he had finished. However, I felt a tremendous pang in my heart when I looked down at him, asleep in my arms. What kind of mother was I to pass so contented and so innocent a child to a complete stranger? How could I possibly let him sleep by himself in a cold room, when all he was asking me for was the warmth and protection of my love? Who was I to deny him that?

Therefore, from that night on, I did not follow expert advice anymore. I followed my instincts and put my children at the center of my life. I believe we should give up our career and be a full-time mum to look after our children during their formative years, till the age of around seven. There are three reasons to support my argument.

The first and foremost reason is the responsibility that comes with being a mum. Many mums like me grew up under the belief that we have to be grateful because our mother made the ultimate sacrifice of bringing us into this world. However, after I became a mum myself, I realised this was not even a half-truth. I could not pass on this illusion like some old family heirloom. The 9 months of pregnancy and the act of giving birth is NOT a sacrifice a mum made for her baby. It has always been a “selfish” decision; the baby never asked to be born. For whatever reason, the mother decided to give it life. This is a decision with life-long consequences, and her job is not completed upon giving birth. Rather, the responsibility begins with the baby’s first cry, and does not end until she has raised the kind of person she can be proud of – a task she may not even complete in her own lifetime.

In South-east Asia, especially Hong Kong, however, many mums ask their maids to do the job for them. The maids, on the potentially dangerous assumption that they are highly experienced and responsible, will take care of the children. They will make sure the children are fed when they are hungry; bathed when they are dirty; entertained (often put in front of the television) when they are bored and put to bed when they are tired. However, will the maids take care of the children in the way you exactly want? Indeed can you trust them to treat your children perfectly while you are not around? Even if you are fortunate enough to find someone who loves your children as much as you do, and treats your children as well as you, would you want this person to replace you, and be the most important person in your children’s hearts? How would you feel if your children want her more than you? How would you feel if your children call her “Mum”? By relying on your maids, or other people as the prime caretakers of your children, you are not only taking away your own children from yourself, but also taking away their mum, their most significant person. They are losing the most precious, unconditional love in the world, the love and care of their mother. Your children, during their infant years, are helpless and vulnerable. They need and want their mother, not the maid, to be around all the time. Indeed when they are feeling unwell, unsure or frightened, the only person they look for is their mum. It is the baby’s basic instinct to seek its mother’s comfort, care and love. It is an irreplaceable relationship; the closest blood tie. The bonding and trust begun in the womb should continue to grow long after birth.

Your little infant just arrived in this world. It sees new things, and it encounters new experience every day. It is like a piece of pure white paper. What and how to write on this piece of paper is in the hands of the mother. The first seven years are the most crucial. These are the years when the child grows and learns at an incredible rate. These are the years when it forms its personality; when it learns and builds its values; and when it grows through experience to become the person you want it, and lead it to become. The mum should be there to share all its first experiences: its first smile; its first word; its first step; its first “I love you”. The mum should be there to share its joy and happiness; to comfort and support it through difficult times; to show it the right values; to teach it righteousness, and above all, to be its role-model. It is the mum, not the maid, not the school, and not any other caretakers, who should show her child the world, to set an example for her child, and lead it along brighter paths. Therefore, besides taking care of the child, a mum also has the responsibility to raise her child with appropriate values and beliefs. There is an old Chinese saying 「 養不教；父之過」” If the child is only being raised, but not taught properly; it is the fault of the parents.”

To some, responsibility has a negative association that may not be very attractive. However, believe it or not, fulfilling her responsibility to look after her own children can be the greatest source of a mum’s pride and pleasure. Every smile, every laugh, and every step forward that the little one makes touches the bottom of the mother’s heart. These are the moments when she realises all her effort, all her time, and all her frustration are worthwhile.

Some mums may agree that it is their responsibility to take care of and raise their children. However they may think they simply cannot afford to give up their job. They believe that the more money they make the more of their children’s needs they can satisfy, and eventually the happier the children they raise. But is money the most important ingredient for a child’s happiness in their formative years? And, how much money is enough to raise a happy child? Not as much as we think.

For a child under seven, material satisfaction is far less important in its life. It has not learnt the concept of a material world, so it does not know how to appreciate it like we do. Material goods are immaterial to a child’s happiness. What is more if not most important to it is not how much money the mum can bring home, it is the time and love the mum can give it. It is parental love and security that the child is seeking. This unconditional love is what the child cares for, and the more the child feels loved the happier the child will be. The time a mum spends away from home on her work would be better spent with her child, for the child derives no benefit from an absent mother. The child will not be very happy if it can only see its mum at nighttime, or during weekends. The child needs its mother’s attention and love, and the more the better. It is the love that satisfies the child, not the money.

Indeed, indulging the child with material goods will only make it take things for granted, and will also hinder its development. A child will not appreciate a new toy when it already has them in abundance, and the more it possesses the less its satisfaction will be. Instead of stuff that just gathers dust, a child needs stimulation to foster its development. Fun and play with mum will definitely stimulate its imagination and help hone its ability to interact with others. A stroll along the beach, collecting shells or pebbles and building sandcastles will stimulate its creativity. But while sitting in front of a 48” LCD television alone when its mother is out working may stimulate its eyes and ears, it does not stimulate its brain as much as mum can. Nor is it stimulating the child’s body. Starving it of company and exercise, it is tantamount to training the kind of passive couch-potato no parents can be proud of.

Raising a successful child, a child who is happy, well adjusted, and morally grounded, is to raise an attached child, a child who feels loved and attached all the time; and a child who has a close and trusting relationship with its parents. How you care for your child in the first years of its life is crucial to developing trusting and sensitive ways of thinking. In later years, these good emotional habits influence the development of more specific skills for success: communication, compassion, and self-esteem. A child who feels loved and attached all the time during its childhood brings the compassion and trust it learnt in its first relationship into later relationships. This relationship shows it how to trust itself, and this self-confidence sees it through significant adversity. The child carries its high self-esteem through the rest of its life. It becomes part of its well-being and makes it resilient. A loved child not only perceives itself as valuable, but also, with its kindness, grows up to add value to the lives of others. Therefore, it is not money we need to raise a happy and successful child, so much as time and love. Love cannot be calculated by monetary value, and it definitely cannot be traded, or substituted, no matter how much money you have. The most valuable things in a child’s life are free.

A full-time mum can derive great satisfaction from always being with her child. She is simultaneously experiencing both motherhood and a second childhood herself. She is learning with her child every day, and she is seeing things through its eyes. She is exposed to a whole new world of imagination and fantasy; a world of purity and innocence; a world of love and trust. Having the chance to share all her child’s formative experience, the mum is able to enjoy all the precious moments in the child’s world. The mum is reborn, and she is rejuvenated by the growth of her child.

Some mums cannot sacrifice their career for their children not because of financial constraints, but because of a need for self-recognition and satisfaction, which they believe can only be attained from career achievement. They believe women should not be made to stay at home and be a full-time housewife. They do not like the traditional stereotype of women chained to the kitchen sink, while men go out and work to support the family. They consider being a full-time mum an inferior role for a woman, and staying at home to look after the kids a waste of their talents – far too much of a sacrifice for them to give up their rewarding career for the drudgery of caring for little ones. They strongly believe women should have their own career in order to prove themselves as capable as men. Their self-recognition is obtained and measured by career success. They are not convinced that taking care of their own children is their responsibility, let alone the best way for a mum to show how capable and how great a woman she can be.

Women with extraordinary achievement in their career are highly recognized in our society. However, when a woman puts her career before her young children, society may have a second opinion of her overall achievement. When a mum is not fulfilling her primary obligation, and neglecting the interests of her own babies, how will people be convinced she has the right values to always give appropriate advice and make wise decisions in her work? When a mum is irresponsible with her own children, will people still see her as a responsible and esteemed professional to work with? Would society still hold her success in esteem, and will she get the self-recognition that she has been seeking? Not in my eyes. Nevertheless, a woman who is willing to give up her career when her children are young is worthy of the utmost respect. A woman takes both self-confidence and perseverance to fully devote herself to her children. This woman does not need to search for self-recognition; she does not need to compete with men to establish her self-worth; she has full confidence in herself, and she has the priorities and values as a great woman. After all, no one has made her stay at home; she has chosen to do so.

Moreover, in giving all her time and effort to raise a successful child, her child’s achievement is her achievement. A career woman with a baby at home will have difficulty in devoting herself fully to her job. No matter how professional a career woman is, she is still a mother, and she still wants to take time out for her child. Therefore, there are always moments she is in denial and feels guilty that she cannot experience and share all its happiness. It is very difficult for her to go full speed in her career, without any second thoughts or hesitation. She always has to balance her time and devotion between her career and motherhood, often to the detriment of both. With a baby waiting at home, the career mum will never get the utmost satisfaction from her job, without feeling guilty for neglecting her duties as a mum. Having a career, either working for someone else or having your own business, you will have to deal with different people and face different challenges every day. You will have to spend time dealing with things that do not contribute directly to the success of your career. On the other hand, a full-time mum will have no such worries. She spends every minute with her baby, and her baby gets every minute she spends with it. Every minute counts towards the most meaningful thing for her. Taking care of your own baby is far more rewarding than having a career elsewhere, where, in a sense, you are raising other people’s babies.

Furthermore, a full-time mum is given a valuable chance for self–development. A new mum experiences a whole new area of life, parenting. She has to learn how to communicate with the child, how to take care of it, and how to teach it all the values and knowledge it needs to know. She has to provide the means for her child to learn and grow and be prepared to learn and grow with it, brushing up rusty knowledge and learning things that were never taught in her day. It is a precious opportunity to pick up interests she always wanted to pursue, but did not have time or the chance to. This is an ideal time for us to learn again, with our children. When we are working, few of us can afford to step out of the office, and do something that we truly want to do. In this ever-changing world, it is crucial for us to keep pace with new knowledge, not so much to close the generation gap, but to not fall victim to a knowledge gap.

Children grow up fast. In retrospect, the first seven years can pass at the speed of a hesitation. If you don’t value the chance to spend every moment with your children now, you may regret it for the rest of your life. Their first few years are the only time you really have to form a strong bond with them and enjoy your motherhood. Don’t think you have a lifetime to spend with your children. You don’t. After they grow up, they will have their own social circle, and will not need their mum to be around anymore. And don’t think of this as a lifetime’s sacrifice. It’s not. You can always pursue your career, make more money or go out and have high tea with your friends every day when they get older and need you less. All you are giving up is a few of your own years to love, cherish, and shape the life that you created and are responsible for! Your children are growing every day, with or without you, and you are the one who has to keep up with them. If you keep thinking you will make time for them tomorrow, they will be gone, taking everything they needed from you with them, whether you gave it to them or not.